Very bad day

Hello
Let me tell my story which sometimes can be troublesome because I'm not an alcoholic, but I am certainly dependent.
A drink then another and yet another, no limit no will, the others know where to stand before others stop us, they are not Always in excess, me if I do not stop I drink enjoy and I think, do not grow old, do not grow, do not assume, to prove what? I myself do not know.
May need to be more cool, this relaxed feeling that the world is not closed, the problems do not exist, I am cool and sexy, but the truth is otherwise, I'm 32 years old a child and cool and sexy side no longer exists because it destroys everything. My life is not perfect but one thing that spoils the most c that this dependence or non-stop becoming increasingly troublesome.
Anxiety attacks do not stop, they increase even ... exo  became my friend, people do not hate me yet, but I yes ......
I hate myself, I find myself unconscious and irresponsible, stupid and ugly c in time.

Today my life is not miserable, i thought a lot this week end and i finally came to a conclusion than i need to just grow up.
Many times i put myself down, thinking than i worth nothing just because i am not perfect, i got no passion no motivation no hobbies,  that's what I thought but yesterday i wake up a little and i finally found a real passion cooking.
I love it, i can cook for hours without thinking about anything i don' believe i never saw  .
I forgot what a passion mean, how we can find our self on it. I took class every month just for fun